late review of my past birthday

I'm crawling back into this space after several absent months. And I thought it would be good to start with a
'late review of my past birthday'.

If you have been reading here for awhile than you probably already know that Ted & I share the same birthday. Here's a look back of recaps over the last few years: 2011,  2010,  2009/2008.

World famous birthday twenty twelve took place in New York City. Agenda included museum browsing, good food, shopping, ice skating, and wandering around just the two of us.

Day 1. We picked up macaroons from Laduree and brought them to central park to eat. Afterwards we went did a little shopping to kill time before going back to our hotel and getting ready for our dinner reservation. Dinner came and I'm so glad it did. I had pork buns with pork belly, pickled shallots, and kimchi pickles as my first course. I still crave it. I don't remember the other course as well. All in all it was so good. After dinner we decided we would go back to the hotel.

Day 2. I didn't really feel like I slept. I'm not sure to call it waking up. After tossing and turning all night, I felt something was off. Maybe I was getting sick. Regardless, I knew I needed a toothbrush because I forgot to pack mine. I send Ted to the convenient store a few blocks from our hotel. At the last moment I said 'grab a pregnancy test so we can rule that out'. He came back and was happy I immediately brushed my teeth. I opened the pregnancy test and did the routine. I left it in the bathroom and finished getting my makeup and hair done. After I was finished, Ted and I went and picked up the test out of the bathroom than came into the room both of us were staring at the results. I had never seen this. What does this mean again?! Ted chimed in "wait does this mean it's positive".

There you go. We both looked at each other and let the surreal moment soak in. We are pregnant! We are really pregnant! Really? We are? Crazy moment in which we loved and will never forget. Surreal is the only way to describe what we felt. I wanted to cry but didn't. That came later. I wanted to scream and shout. That came even later. More than anything I wanted to hold on and make sure I wasn't dreaming.

We went along with our original birthday plans. Halfway through MoMA we looked at each other and agreed we wanted to leave. We wanted to sit somewhere and think about bringing a baby into our family.  Our world.

Best. Birthday. Present. Ever.

i'm ALIVE

believe it or NOT.

i'm still breathing, moving, and living. i've taken a maybe intentional break but definitely never meant for it to go on this lonnnnnnnnnnngg. seriously, i've missed it. i've kept up with my google reader but completely neglected all else.

cheers to a start. a fresh beginning. crisp days ahead. new words to share.

i have so much to share. say. do. post.

stay tuned. . .

Fallspiration

It is that time over year were we pull out our sweaters, heaters, and ciders. A lovely change of scenery as the leaves change, mums come to our doorsteps (or my case stoop), and we sit around burning wood. It's magical.

To be honest, I wasn't ready for the weather to change. I may not be ready still, but it changes regardless. So, I grab a few blankets and dig under them. Dreaming of heated floors? Maybe for the bathroom. What I do find comforting is making soups, stews, pies, and lots of baking. Ted mentioned a few days ago that he wasn't hungry just want to use the oven. So we did. Can you tell we haven't turned our heater on yet? I'm kind of a stickler about the thermostat. We don't have central a/c but we do have heat. I'm the stick it out in some fuzzy socks, memorable sweater, and pajama pants kind of fall nester. At home.

When I go out it's all about the layers, plaids, boots, stockings, & scarves. *click picture for link*

a little note to the future

Maybe because the year is rounding around to november that i've been thinking about my age. Or was it when i filled out an online questionnaire and had to check late 20s. where has time disappeared too? i was just 21 getting married & throwing lots of parties. thinking about to my earlier 20s i realize a few things that i do differently now. better, maybe. but that's not it completely it just more thought out. i once was an over zealous, over committed, over worked, over friendly, over the top kind of girl. AND it was fun for sure.

life happened. my roommates moved out and ted moved in. less girls nights. a lot less last minute parties (why did we stop). married routine came into play. cue moving. adjustment period. cue moving again. adjustment period. cue deployment. adjust. move back. breath. school. work. life continues with full days. lots of which is mundane. but several days are filled with great memories and personal growth. 

all this thought made me want to write a little note to myself five years from now. i'd be 31. ekk! glad thirty is four years away. let's just say i'm not ready which is okay at this point. 

a few notes to myself five years from now:

slow down and enjoy simple moments. 

the only scripture you know is the scripture you live. 

at the end of the day, family matters more than anything. 

wake up early if that means you can have a cup of coffee and some alone time.

stay spontaneous. 

make goals.

give grace.

live with open hands.

keep making lists of things you love about ted. 

refer to list when he's driving you insane. 

friends come and go, don't sweat it. 

take time to create. 

take time to cook interesting things. 

take time to remember. 

take time to repent. 

take time to exercise.

take time to read. 

let go. 

embrace new opportunities. 

personal pain usually results in personal growth.

keep in touch. 

call mom and keep her up to date.

be involved in your brothers lives even if it's hard from far away.

travel often.

try new things.

take on a good challenge.

always forgive.

always love.

always stay true to yourself.

keep your spunk.

don't change for anyone. 

a little sass never hurt no one. 

keep good intention.

look back at the good and forget the bad.

make more babies (you have 4 more years)

(i want to stop having kids at 35)

never take for granted the constants in life. 

pray often.

October Picks

From top left: Joss and Main chevron vase, Zara Home Sequin Pillow, High Street Market Westinghouse Fan
Second Row: Wood Carrier, Kinfolk Vol 5, DeLonghi Espresso Market 

Third Row: Zara Home Monocle Nest of Tables, Zara Home Zahl vase, Madewell scarf

SF

Kind of

this blog year


has been

s

l

o

w

.

i'm not sure what i'm thinking, doing, or writing.
what i want to be said or read.
truth is the blog is out of sight.
and mind.
for the time being.
i'm okay with this.
kind of.

feeling guilty for fully neglecting.
but this is the season i'm in.
and 'a toodle lee do' isn't hat the forefront of to do's.
i'm okay with that.
kind of.

start posts all the time.
and scratch posts all the time.
pointless thoughts.
and need better direction.
hence the hint of change.
a new project maybe.

baby steps.

Progress

recently, i heard someone explain emotional pain as a reason for personal growth. i agree, i just haven't actually put it in words like this. over the past few years, i've learned heaps. most of all, i've learned a lot about who i am & the condition of my own heart. it's been painful. lonely. discouraging. and helpful.

tears have poured like a gushing waterfall. my heart has ached as if it were literally pulled into pieces. the emotional journey that i've experienced has been a blessing amidst the difficulty. when i think back to the beginning & remember the initial pain, i had no idea who i would become because of it.

i'm grateful for the way god has used this last couple years to bring me to know him more. if it weren't for the ache of my heart, would i have learned so much?

this year has had far too many unexpected twists. today was the kind of day that sucked the life out of me. the moment someone turns to introduce them self to you at church, stops mid-greeting when they notice your a hot mess crying. lets just say it was heavy stream of tears throughout the day. emotional wreck, twenty-twelve.

some good points in today though. like a phone call to a friend back home. my brother whom always smears a smile across my face. texts from friends around the globe that made today just that much more bearable. i fail. often. i'm trying to live with my hands free from clenching. letting go of trying to make sense of things that make no sense.

maybe i've fallen off the blogroll because i don't know what to say this year has been tough. different. not more tough then past years but a different type of tough. one where i sometime i just wish i had a listening ear.

but, i have high hopes for these last three months of the year. things are looking UP

From Instagram

The last two months have been filled with traveling, familiar faces, good food, and a few great books. Yesterday, I stocked my kitchen with a farmer's market run & then made some fall favorites (pumpkin muffins & an apple galette). The house smelled perfectly fall.

Follow along on instagram: tohman

Make magic

Link: When we speak of magic | The Fresh Exchange

le girls reunion

my recent trip to new orleans was well needed. i met up with some of my girlfriends for a little reunion. even though we're all scattered out. it was refreshing. there's just nothing like catching up. it's crazy how we all came into each other's lives over the last several years.

i'm currently rethinking a new blog concept and hoping to set a launch date. i haven't had much time to work towards my goal but i want to do so soon. (much easier said than done.) staying organized and setting goals is what's going to help me get to it. hopefully before the year is out i'll have a start of something new & refreshing.

the ending

the last few weeks i've skipped around in maryland and louisiana. first, i tagged along a business trip with ted to baltimore. i actually loved it. i found so much fun shopping and beautiful waterfront spots. we ate as much crab cakes as possible without being ridiculous. after returning home from baltimore i had one night at home, then ted dropped me off at the airport. i headed home to new orleans. i had so much fun visiting friends and family. i spent my first weekend in town catching up with my friends, sitting in my old church, hugging everyone i've missed so much, eating lots of yummy food, and spending time with my brother and his family of 4.

little did i know that my plans would shift a little bit due to Isaac but not all too much. i weather the storm well thankfully. prior to Isaac, i was going to spend the week (monday-saturuday) two hours west of new orleans with my parents and grandparents. on sunday, my mom & i were going to head back to new orleans to shop and eat for a few days. i'm actually happy to say that due to Isaac my brother and his family (wife and two kids 5months & 2) came along to my grandparents and stayed a week. we all were happily enjoyed out week under the circumstances. the storm never made it to where we were & we enjoyed countless family meals, laughs, and outings. i came back to new orleans with my brother yesterday & their power was turned on as we heading back. thank god!

i'm sitting at the airport a little sad to leave and a happy to get back to my husband and bed. i'm sad to leave new orleans again. there is no other place like it. i'll be back to post more pictures.

Household items for sale

i've posted to craigslist & facebook a few household items that i'm trying to sell. i decided that i'd put a few things on here too. email me at t_varnado (at) hotmail (dot) com if your interested:

FOR SALE: West Elm Ikat Curtains

$75 per panel or $225 for all 4

55% linen, 45% cotton. 48"w x 108"l

FOR SALE: Echo Design Shower Curtain $25

email me if your interested or have questions. i love both items but don't have a place for them in the new place. i'm open to bartering. free shipping on orders.

i can't believe i walked in a store and halloween decorations were up. the summer flew. i'm actually excited about sweaters, boots, lattes, & basically all things fall. 

let me be honest. the last few months have been pretty hard. although overall I can step back & say they have been great. hard in a sense of situations that have been surprising, disappointing, or down right dirty. i find it very comforting that amidst some bumps in the road here and there that i'm still enjoying life, summer, & so on. little things keep a smile on my face like a dress i've been eyeing going on sale or your favorite song playing at the grocery store.

the little things that over time add up to making a trying time memorable. 

Lately

Blogger funk number 102 of 2012. Seriously, I'm not sure why I've just fallen off the normal routine. Life is good. Summer is hot & full. Setting up the new place is slow going too. On the other hand, Ted & I are getting ready for some mini trips. We'll be in Baltimore & then parting ways. I'm so happy to be going to  New Orleans for a visit while Ted is in Virginia. 

I still can't believe this is our third summer in Philadelphia. Pretty insane how fast time goes by. The day before the Olympics started was my friend Ellen's birthday. Meg (her sister-in-law) & Jared (boyfriend) planned a Olympic themed surprise party. Ellen was surprised, score! She also won countless golds. Events included games goat race, sycronized swimming, shooting, etc. So fun celebrating a beautiful person. 

Squeeeeeze

ever have your insides squeeze into a tight ball. maybe it was someone scratching the chalkboard in third grade. even watching the commentary of a new contestant on project runaway (does anyone know who i'm talking about?). it's like s squeeze of the insides.

i've had the squeeze after i said something i shouldn't. before i dropped on a roller coaster. when i've lost a friend. squeeze. that overly affectionate couple in high school that makes you squeeze. ek. that project you receive an underwhelming grade on. a loss of something close. that day i lost my wedding ring. squeeze. squeeze.

sometimes the little things tend to make my heart beat faster and become easily anxious or sad. my heart hurts when i put so much of myself into something that isn't in the end fruitful. that project that didn't turn out.

but, all in all i thought that the quote above is true. Some. Things. Are. Not. Important.

the things that are important is what we should be pouring into. a pure heart. squeezes good things.

The New

it's been almost an entire month since we moved into our new place. the first few weeks were silky, but now i'm in a definite runt. i have lost ideas of where to unpack stuff. it's not because we dont' have the space because we have plenty of that. rooms without closets is my dilemma.

we have ONE. a large one. it's full with all of our hanging clothes & winter coats. about 10% of my shoes fit and a few odds and ends. ted's putting shelvings on the third floor nook which we are calling closet number 2.

i feel pretty adventurous every time i open our trap door which leads to our basement. thursday's are quickly becoming my favorite shopping day as the farmers market a few blocks away at a local garden center.

after living in center city (where our friends were only home less people), it's nice to have friendly neighbors. the washington square crowd didn't talk with anyone. snnooOOt--tAy!

i wish i could get this house in order so i could start vamping our little backyard. can't wait to have a little party out back.

San Fran Advice?

ted & i are going out to san francisco in september. i can't wait. it will be my first time on the west coast. i've heard such good things about san fran. if you have any advice on what to see, eat, do, stay, etc. we dream of going to french laundry. but, our checkbook can't take that kind of hit. i plan on going to tartine bakery though. 

Recent Instagrams

i dropped over the blog. unintentionally, kind of. i could blame several things, but really i've just been busying myself with anything but thinking about the blog. so, i took a peaceful break. above is some recent instagram's.

Saugerties Lighthouse