Picked Up & Revving

Five years ago, I walked down the isle to the boy I fell in love with, the one who won my heart. We were young, 21 (Ted) and 22 (me). It. Was. The. Happiest. Day. Of. My. Life. Since that day, Ted has continually won my heart over. Our marriage is not the kind where you sit back and relax. Active. Whether it be in our ups or in some downs, we are active. Actively, falling for each other.

In the past five years, we've learned what it means to put something else first and what it looks like to give 100%. Sitting back and giving even 95% but expecting 100% for the other, does not work well. 100 percent from both sides, at all times. This is what we know. Have we perfected the give and take, absolutely not. But, we know what it takes. Marriage isn't for the weak or selfish. We see that we are happiest when we are fully engaging, actively serving, and passionately falling for each other.

He is my soul mate.

I don't say that lightly either. I am an over-thinker. I can sit very indecisively on anything for a very long time. I can mull over minuscule things for days. I really head, soul, and body thought about my decision to spend a lifetime and beyond with Ted. I didn't flippantly make the decision. I was in love with him after a few months of dating but that wasn't the only thing that I was looking for in a lasting relationship. I was looking far beyond love. Even while we were engaged, I broke off our engagement for three maybe four dreadfully, awful days. It was painful, but so beneficial. I saw clearly. I saw permanently. I reached beyond a youthful love with clear vision and into a forever. My forever. AND, I never have looked back.

Ted is my forever.

I'd say our marriage relationship was smooth sailing for about three years. Love. Sacrifice. Traveling. Moving. Fun. Dating. Spontaneous. Then, year three hit us off our game. We fought. We disagreed. We annoyed each other to know end. It lasted a few long months. We remained. All our arguments aside, we loved each other. I'm not talking about the Christian I'm committed till death so I might as well say I love him, because we all know love is no feeling. Nope, we love loved. At the end of the day or week of not seeing eye to eye we would always end with love, purpose, and heartfelt affection.

Ted is patient where I bustle. I am organized where Ted is scattered. Ted is calm when I am stressed. It's the ebb and flow of our marriage that really makes it work. Two different people with an unbreakable bond, falling in love through the ups and downs of any normal relationship. The last five years have been the best years of my life. Why? Because I've shared them with Ted, my better half.

I would never want to paint an unrealistic picture of what our relationship is or is not. I share the downs because they are our reality at times. I also celebrate the life we live together. A joyous marriage that turns my stomach around with butterflies. The way our youthful love still is picked up and revving. The pound of my heart when I think about him. Marriage is hard at times, but so rewarding. I'd say more than rewarding, it is a gift and I am thankful. 

5 Years

We learned how to put the other first. We ate the best meal ever in Puerto Rico. We traveled to Europe. We honeymooned every year. We grew personally and relationally. We fought over dumb stuff. We got out of debt. We survived a rehearsal dinner from hell. We biked around Rome. We laughed at each other. We dated continually. We nagged each other. We created a child.We held hands in Paris. We moved four times. We lost sunglasses. We showed grace to each other. We made homemade presents. We spent lots of money. We watched the sun go down in Capri. We failed at certain things. We cultivated kindness. We annoyed the heck out of each other. We cried over hurt feelings. We pushed each other do the right thing in tough situations. We danced to silly songs, just the two of us.We ran together. We fell in love again and again. 

Most importantly, we stayed friends.

Best five years of my life so far.

Better Together: Wife and Mother

I started this little series of posts on the topic of finding a new normal in marriage with a new baby. I shared our strides towards reclaiming date nights, Olivia shared a few things she has learned along the way, and Meg shared how her relationship has been strengthen through parenthood. I was talking with my mom friends over the weekend on this topic and something jumped out as a important question to ask and answer.

Do you feel more like a mom or wife? 

I think it's natural to feel more like a mom these days as my day revolves around breast feeding, diaper changes, playtime, piles of laundry, keeping up the house, and trying to introduce Wells to the world of yummy food.

Being a mom is an honor.

Being a mom comes so natural for me.

Being a mom makes my days so bright.

Being a mom is a dream.

It could be easy to get lost in being a mom and lose my essence of being a wife. As I care for Wells as a mom, I do bless Ted as my husband. Remembering that my relationship with Ted as a wife is priority to being a mom takes a thoughtful and balanced perspective. It's easy to see that Wells relies on me for everything. He is dependent on my care; whereas Ted can fend for himself easily and successfully. I can see how easy it would be to drift from being a wife.

Being a wife takes intention.

Being a wife takes selflessness.

Being a wife should take priority.

Being a wife takes commitment.

Does your husband feel more like a dad or husband?

Ted & I are working on making each other feel like a husband and wife. It's tricky. We were discussing this and Ted realized by him giving me a break and watching Wells, it doesn't necessarily make me feel like a wife. We are working on implementing habits that prioritize our marriage relationship. I think it's vital to children to have parents that don't lose there roles of being husband and wife. A relationship full of love, sacrifice, self denial, thoughtfulness, intention, playfulness, and surprise. We don't have it figured out but are working on cultivating this idea. As we do, I'll share more.

Better Together is a mini series where I'll be featuring a few of my blog friends who are new moms. We all are figuring out what it looks like to reconnect and relate as a married couple in light of parenthood. If you would like to contribute contact me at t_varnado@hotmail.com

Better Together with Meg from Kent Park

Meg lives in (chilly) Rochester, New York with her husband Kyle and son Miles. She blogs here and instagrams here. If you want to read more about Meg go here.

I had some trouble deciding what to write about for this series. I showed my husband, Kyle, a post that I wrote and he pointed out how it didn't really fit the theme "Better Together"... at all. I then spent the whole of Monday evening agonizing over what to write until Kyle offered an idea, "Why don't you just write about how we as a couple are better because the three of us are together." .........Brillant! Here are some reasons why my relationship is better with my husband because we are now a family of three!

We're better because there are more opportunities to be selfless.

Have a baby presents a lot of opportunities for you to put your partner first. While there was nothing inhibiting us from putter each other first pre-baby it was just not as blatantly obvious how we could do it as it is now. Taking care of a baby is a vary tangible way to show your partner you care about them. When the baby is crying in the middle of the night it's easy for Kyle to know how to put me first. When Kyle stays up half the night with a teething baby it's clear how I can put him first (let him sleep in!) It can still be hard to actually carry out these selfless actions, but they are just more frequent and easier to spot. All these opportunities to put each other first have brought us closer together.

We're better because we're happier. 

I've had a good life and happy marriage. My husband and I had some great times before baby Miles came along. But the sheer joy we feel from having our baby with us is something completely different. From the moment we knew I was pregnant until now I've been ecstatically happy. For the first few weeks we had Miles I could cry every day because I was just so. darn. happy. I know what you're thinking but it wasn't because of the ass crazy hormones or sleepless delirium! We laugh so much every day. Having this joy has definitely made me a better wife and Kyle a better husband.

We're better because we're worked as a team.

Having a baby showed us how important it is to work together, and how working as team brings you closer to your partner. In the same way as poeple on sports teams, mission trips, or music groups build butter relationships by struggling together through the ups and downs of common task, we have felt this. There is a camaraderie that is strengthened by working together as a team.

There are many other reason why having a baby has made our marriage stronger and I'm sure as the months and years come and go we'll discover even more! It's been amazing to experience this adventure together.

Better Together is a mini series where I'll be featuring a few of my blog friends who are new moms. We all are figuring out what it looks like to reconnect and relate as a couple in light of parenthood. If you would like to contribute contact me at t_varnado@hotmail.com

Six Years Ago

Three days after Valentine's day.
Three days after I told my friends emphatically and full of faith that this would be my last single Valentine's day.
Three days after hosting my last single girls Valentine's party, I met Ted.

Silly Ted.
He was 20. I was 21.
I have to say, he caught my eye right away.
But, took 2 1/2 solid weeks fully give way.
Seriously, we probably should just call it 'love at first sight'.
We met at church on a Sunday night and the next he asked if I wanted to meet up at a local coffee shop.
Sure, why not.
We talked about books we've read, places we've lived, friends, and how we would love our lives to look when we are old.
He called two days later to ask me out on a date and I obliged.

After our date, I knew I liked him.
A few months later, I fell in love.
Six years later, I love him more than ever.

Better Together with Olivia from For Me

Olivia is a stay at home mom of one living in Portland, OR. She is a Young Life leader, lover of organization and passionate about community and relationships. She, on occasion, blogs over here 
(trying to get back into it post baby), instagrams here and pins here.

                                        ___________________________________________

My husband and I are very different. We were raised different, communicate different, have different philosophies on parts of life. I've always counted this as a good thing in the long run, that we would sharpen each other, challenge each other and help each other to grow. However, over the last few years and the beginning of our marriage, it has been known to pull out tension in us.

Our daughter had complications when she was born in August. She aspirated fluid in her lungs when she came out and had to be rushed to the NICU to be put on a ventilator. After 5 days with lots of complications, ups and downs, and the healing power of Jesus, I'm grateful to say we got to take home a healthy, happy girl with no long term effects whatsoever.

Those 5 days in the hospital changed our marriage. Our daughter felt like this first thing that my husband and I felt the EXACT same about. Our love for her and our fight for her life was in unison. The Lord, as always, used a hard situation to bring my husband and I closer than we have ever been. I was so in love with him watching him take care of me, and our daughter so well. Those parts of our personalities that were not in sync didn't matter during that time.

In these past 5 months of being new parents, we have tried to hold onto this truth. We pray that our sweet girl continues to bring us closer together and never apart. We love her the same, she means so much to both of us and there shouldn't be anything like contrasting parenting approaches to make us drift apart.

A few things I have learned along the way:

1 //  Know that the way your husband goes about things; changes diapers, bedtime routine, so many little things, is going to look a little different than the way you do it. Choose not to correct them as dads, let them do it the way they want to. It's not wrong, just different.

2 // Continue to look at the bigger picture. You created life together, there is nothing more special than that.

3 // Your relationship with The Lord comes first, then your marriage, then your child. Don't get this order mixed up or make your child an idol in your life.

4// Turn off the TV (still working on this one...) We haven't had many date nights out without our girl and we can't always do that so we need to make quality time out of the time we do have together. We're trying to get creative but it's hard, we are lazy... Card games? Suggestions welcome.

Praying for us all, that we see a little bit of the way our Creator loves us because of the new, real, unconditional love that we have for our children and hopefully our husbands too.

1 Corinthians 13:7 // Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

  ___________________________________________

Better Together is a mini series where I'll be featuring a few of my blog friends who are new moms. We all are figuring out what it looks like to reconnect and relate as a couple in light of parenthood. If you would like to contribute contact me at t_varnado@hotmail.com

Better together

January 20, 2009 

Yes, yes, a million times yes.

I promised to be Ted's wife for life.

Soul mates.

Room mates.

Besties. 

Helper.

Five years

3 states

4 moves

1 child

many resolved arguments

countless 'i love you's'

winter-cations 

melt downs

celebrations

sick days

1 trip to europe
1 deployment

late nights

lost friends

made lots more

2 ER visits

5 bad haircuts

beach days

lots of coffee

served together

learned together

grew together

moved together

danced together

laughed together

sang together

cooked together

lived together

loved together

He is my better half.

BEST yes of my life.

Year 1. 2. 3. & 4.

Year 1 

Year 2

Year 3

Year 4

Click pictures for links to read about how we celebrated each year. 

celebrate ( four )

This year remembering back to our wedding is sweeter. I feel like it was yesterday I was walking down the aisle toward's my 21 year old groom. We were young although we didn't feel like it. Now we are turning a page and about to welcome our newest addition. Little prince. I already feel like he makes our hearts soar & lives full.

The last four years have been amazing. The ups and downs. We have had both. The gushes of love. The gushes of reality. More than anything I am so grateful for the time we have had as a family of two. Just me and Ted. The time we have is priceless to me. I will always savor the memories we've made.

I'm thankful. A great marriage. A wonderful husband. A beautiful life to share. A baby on the way.

This past year I've been overwhelmed by Ted's love for me. He takes such great care of me. I was working (last friday was my last day) 50 hours a week my whole pregnancy. Ted took care of so much in this busy time for me as I was working long days and sleeping more than usual. He did all our grocery shopping. Cooking. Laundry. Cleaning. And still had enough energy to massage my aching back at the end of the day.

He's my hero.

I learn so much about love and how to love by how he loves me.

A very happy fourth year celebration. 

then/now

roughly 23 minutes wed

23 weeks pregnant

The other morning we were driving down magazine street heading to breakfast with my older brother and decided to pull over and snap this shot. Same spot we were almost four years ago when we took our bridal party pictures at an old gas station workshop. It was cold and I threw my jacket to the side. Not the greatest picture this time around (the wind was brutal making my eyes shed many tears) but it works. 

all in time

last week. canoe trip celebrating  3 years of marriage. moving.

my arms didn't see what they had comin' this past week. 

feels like i bench pressed 500 lbs. 

but, we are moved in. even though boxes have flooded level 1, 2, & 3. 

overwhelmed. tired.

lots of work to be done. 

can't wait to share pictures of our trip to Saugerties, New York.  

first have to find my sim card reader.

a gave a few peeks at our trip & move on instagram (come & see: tohman)

attached

there is one thing about that has hardly changed - ever. i'm use to moving. growing up we moved a l o t & we weren't even a military family. my parents get that bug to take another adventure. you would think i'd be a pro at detaching from things easily. wrong! one thing i always get attached to is the home(s) i live in.

ted and i drove up from virginia one saturday in march '10 to search  for a place to live. we knew very little about philadelphia but ended up finding a perfect loft. we headed back to new orleans shortly after & loaded our life in a penske truck heading to philly.

lots of sun. ceiling reaching 18 ft. huge brick arch in our kitchen leading to the dining area. steel appliances & doors. a two person (double) shower. a doorman. limited closets but pretty good storage area.

it's all fading fast as we are breaking everything down to move. the last 2+ years have gone quick. we have another 2 years left in philadelphia which will probably go faster than we expect. new home. new neighborhood. new adventure. same city.

i'm going to miss this sunny loft & all the memories made here like when ted & i didn't know one single person in the city. we would play board games all day long or have OC marathons. a quick walk to the park to stretch our legs with a packed dinner & frisbee to toss. (in some ways, i can't wait to move & find ourselves in this exact situation again... it was some of my favorite memories)

meals & staying organized

staying inspired is one of the key things to cooking home meals. coming up with not only fresh ideas but making it work for your schedule & taste buds. i typically work better when i have a organized plan.

when i leave meals to chance, i never have the right ingredients on hand. i don't know what i'm hungry for and i'm extremely indecisive.

so over the time, i've come up with a workable system that plays well with us. i plan menu's & grocery lists in advance. thinking seasonally. trying to use what i would stock my fridge with that week, etc. i use my iCal to sort everything. i tag meals to dates and in the notes i spell out ingredients & any instructions (if it's a recipe i'm trying than i link to it or paste it into the note). once the week is complete with meals, i make a grocery list ready & tag it too sunday.

each week i print my grocery list & walk through my kitchen crossing off the list what i already have on hand. then i usually write another list with the reminding items. each day i look at the menu & execute. below is an example of july. the first week i don't have much because it's our move in week. unpacking boxes & take out.

it's rare i plan more than one meal a day. i plan for us to eat leftovers at other meals. typically we always have something easy to grab and go for breakfast. muffins, loaf, yogurt, fruit, etc. on sundays, we typically always eat out for lunch & have whatever at home for dinner. i don't agonize over skipped meals on the menu. when i go grocery shopping i can always adjust whatever i'm not so happy about, add on or skip.

if there isn't leftovers or some sandwich that i know i'm making ted for lunch... he typically finds a way to feed himself. pb & j, or some sandwich with lunch meat or buys lunch. this is a no stress system. a lot of times i fill in meals with roasted vegetables & a chicken breast for ted.

heating up

i've spent way to much time watching television & laying around in the last couple days. ted spent monday & tuesday just the same. by wednesday i switched places except my cold (if thats what we are calling it) isn't leaving after two days.

i just can't wait to breath again without my throat tightening up like a fist. 

after months of searching, we found a new home. we are excited. i'm less excited about the packing. more excited about the bigger space. i'm also ready to celebrate three years this month of rooming & loving my best friend. for some reason i always call it our honeymoon instead of anniversary. i decided the other day that i can keep calling it the honeymoon instead of always correcting myself. it's sounds sweeter & fresh referring to it as the honeymoon.

Take the Car Apart

i could scream
i could cry
i could fold completely
i could hate myself
i could look for something bigger
i could laugh
i could pull out my hair
i could pray
i could search

i could go back in time?!

just the biggest confession i'll ever make on this blog. i lost my wedding ring!!?!?! 

yeah, eyes focus. i lost my wedding ring.

there i said it. this is what happened. my wedding ring has been verrrry loose for the last several months. i've been putting off getting it resized. i also have been working in a kitchen for several months and every time i went to work had to take it off. school went the same way. i got use to taking it off. but, i soared through school and work with never losing it.

THEN

last weekend, i was russssssshhhhhhiiiiinnnnnnggggggg from a bridal shower to the market to buy lobster for the dinner party where i was cooking. i was late on everything. i was rushing through traffic. i was attempting to groom & eat lunch. one thing lead to the next and for some odd reason my ring flew off my finger with my band which was even more loose. just sailed through the air. no bigger right? it has to be in the car, right?

well, well. found the band in a second. i  c a n  n o t  f i n d  m y  g o r g e o u s  r i n g. all two carat solitaire this is your mama and i'm looking frantically for you. i shed some tears. i searched and searched. the thing is when it flew... i heard something hit the dash. what ted & i are thinking it must have went into the air conditioner vent.

take the car apart? new ring?

Heart-strings

how to get to my heart? tie a gift on a string and i will search for it. seriously, i'd say i feel most loved by spending quality time & by gifts. i do view them equal. usually take the quality time part more often. ted figured out the gifts part & does a fantastic job of little (and most of the time inexpensive) gifts. like flowers. i absolutely love them. i feel the house isn't complete without some dancing around. awhile back i told ted... one stem is good enough. as long as that one stem is of a gorgeous blooming flower. like in a week when peonies come available. he keeps our supply of flowers going (and when he's not around, I keep it up). its now become quite the norm.

but a long phone conversation to friends that live far can make my heart soar. skype dates. or random text conversation. it's staying in communication that is in my love language. maybe it be that i've moved around so much & hope to continue long distance relationships that are so hard to keep up. weekend trips. shopping. trips with friends for coffee, dessert, or happy hour.

cheese & wine. last year one of my favorite days was sampling dozens of cheeses with a friend and eating yummy desserts at a cafe. (maybe because cheese is the one dairy product I'm typically not allergic too) simple & delicious. again, my heart soared. it's enjoying things with people. companionship.

gifts, gifts, gifts. maybe this is why i keep my amazon wish list updated. checking it, editing it, & adding to it. so that if my mom were to buy me something special it would be something i'd love. score! my love for design, photography, art, & cookbooks is no secret. or if it was, let me be heard. i loooovvvveeee them. no one can have enough books especially one's full of beautiful pages. to think someone thought of you & purchased something because of it.

figuring & giving ted love through his love languages has become the task at hand. one of which is to do something like watch a sports game or activity outside. something i wouldn't normally do, like golf. but do it with him, happily. one thing i do have down is...feeding him. i cook him happy.

meet ted

i mention him often & you've read or heard him before. but, i thought i would give another peek.

i'm so happy that we still have an organic relationship & are always falling more in love. even in the middle of a fight, i can say i'm crazy for him.


i'm also so happy that we don't need a list of ways to flirt or date ideas. all the flirting and fun things we do are au naturale. never forced. never from a book or tutorial. always looking for ways to surprise each other with sweet things, presents, & a new eats.

i refer to him often. my husband. my friend. my personal masseuse. my lover.

here's a few things about ted:

1. he can booty dance like no other

2. wishes he could inspire people solely through dance

3. makes ordinary things funny

4. makes the best moist apple muffins

5. listens to old school folky country

things that drive me mad crazy but i secretly love
1. he's a safety genius without him i'd probably lose a limb
2. has an internal 90s music library
3. watches sports center a little to much
4. can't keep a rhythm
5. he's a texan

dealing with your inner critic

more than likely, we all are our biggest critic. i am. i'm a girl. i *over think* everything and then beat it into the ground with more thinking. it's something that i love & hate. no compartmentalizing like boys. just one big box of everything and how we have it all weaving together.

a few things, i've come to grips with. mistakes are beautiful because they are chances taken. trying is a step that is brave. try again and victory is *yours*. or maybe it's not. but that fact that you live to try. to love. to create. to explore. to discover &  love to do all of it. that says something. a fighter in the making.

i spill over and over again. ted listens over and over again. and this is typically how i deal. i over-react-in-thinking-the-worst-or-fear-failure-of-every-sort-and-think-the-possible-is-in-fact-impossible. ted brings me back to reality of nothing is out of reach. he reminds me of the good. the bright sun on a rainy day & and with that i shine. i sore. i live. and i continue on.

February Wrap Up

This past month was purr-fect. We wrapped up the second half of our special '29 nights'. You can see the first half of the month here. We loved this month and all the fun stuff we did together. On days that we were too busy to do something extra special the notes, texts, and little things left for the other still made each day *extra* lovely.

14. took a cab to a little restaurant ate fish and sipped wine
15. sat at the auto shop for a few hours while they fixed my car
16.  ice skated at penns landing
17. watched our favorite new show snuggled in bed
18-21. went out of town 
22. made something for each other
23. ordered delivery from our favorite thai restaurant
24. ate left over crawfish bisque from our little mardi gras celebration
25. bought a clothing item for the other
26. watched the oscar's with friends
27. woke up together before work hot coffee in our hands and ate donuts
28. made our favorite sushi rolls
29. took an extra long walk hand-n-hand and bought a new record

mountaineers

Ted and I spent a cozy extended weekend in the Pennsylvania mountains. We stayed at a hotel that was built on a waterfall. Being that it is winter, the waterfall was halfway frozen. At night it sparkled. We cracked out window open eat night to hear the sound of the waterfall. Here's a few pictures and I'll be back to show you our beautiful hotel room later this week.