Recovery

Morning! 

Let's talk recovery and how how family is managing.

At my one week postpartum visit, my Dr. thought my incision was infected and cultured it. A week later, she called and said it was an infection. I went into the office the next morning for her to check on it. I was hoping and praying it was resolving itself. The medicine I would need to use is not compatible with breastfeeding. I don't pump nor do I own a pump therefore I have no supply stocked to carry my babe throw three days of this medicine. Thankfully, I breathed easier knowing that my Dr. was pleased with the incision resolving itself. I am still praying it keeps getting better and not worse. I can't imagine not being able to breastfeed for three whole days.

A few days after we returned from the hospital, it became apparent that Wells was suffering from some kind of penis pain. I thought maybe he had a UTI. We had originally thought he was looking for attention with all the new in the house. People constantly told me he would regress in potty training when we had the baby so I was mentally prepared. But, he wasn't having accidents but screaming about his 'owie' aka penis. I made an appointment with our pediatrician and she took a urine sample. A week later (man, getting results take forever here on the island), we confirmed he did have an infection and started him on medicine. He isn't in as much discomfort, but isn't fully himself yet either. I don't know whether it's due to the infection or all the new in his life, but he has had a few pee-pee accidents lately. He still is waking up to pee and poop at night though on the potty.

This weekend, it seems like I'm very weak and dizzy. I believe my iron is low. I've been resting a lot while eating lots of greens and red meat. A few weeks ago, I woke up craving steak tartar and now I know why... my body was trying to tell me something. I don't know when my hemoglobin is suppose to be checked again or how long recovery will take, but I'm hoping soon. When Ted goes back to work, I hope to be over the hump and less light headed.

As we recover, we nap together. Lounge together. Laugh together. 

And, be together. 

Poppy's birth story

With a pending repeat c-section, I've thought for months about whether I'd want to write about my birth story as openly as I did with Wells. Wondering if I would lose so much of what birth is with having to schedule a C-section or land unexpectedly on the table again. Would I feel like a failure because I wanted a natural labor and delivery both pregnancies and wasn't able to achieve them? A few weeks ago, I truly came to terms with the fact that our chances were high for a repeat c-section. Sharing our story of Poppy's arrive is personal.

Today is my due date. Poppy was delivered 13 days ago by c-section. I can barely utter the word scheduled. I've shared a little bit of our story on instagram if you are following along. It isn't comfortable to be vulnerable about this, because I wish it would have been different. I now want to share my birth experience because it makes me who I am. It's my daughter's story. It's my story. In addition, the main reason I blog is so that I can come back and read what I was thinking, feeling, doing, seeing, experiencing, and learning.

I had been struggling to help Poppy get in lock and load position for a vaginal birth for weeks. She kept flipping all over the place. Confirmed head down. Confirmed breech. Confirmed transverse. Confirmed in between. One thing remained constant, she was always turning. Around 37 week, I became very uncomfortable with her laying transverse. She seemed to get real comfortable in this position and wasn't moving much anymore. I wasn't sleeping and could not find any way to be comfortable.

I started having Braxton hicks very early in my pregnancy and were used to them coming pretty frequent. When Poppy would be in the transverse position they seemed to come more often. At 37 1/2 weeks pregnant, I started having deep contractions that were different than my Braxton hicks. I kept wondering if we were going into labor. We were at the beach with friends on a Sunday afternoon and I could barely talk through some of the contractions. My one friend thought for sure I'd be in labor by the end of the day, but they ended up tapering off. The next day I woke up with contractions and settled into a bath where they let up.

After a few days of consistent labor inducing contractions, I went to my weekly doctor's visit. I didn't tell my doctor anything that had been going on. She looked at me. She felt my stomach. Then, asked 'Are you feeling these contractions?' (Well of course) After an ultrasound, it was confirmed Poppy was still laying transverse. The BIG C BOMB fell and quickly had me panicking.

My mom wasn't here. I still have things to do. It seemed to be in our best interest to schedule a c-section and we knew it. Some part of me wonders if I would have been stateside if I would have been able to hold off a bit longer. The fact of the matter in St. Thomas is you do not want to be in an emergency situation. We bit the bullet and started prepping for surgery. I had to go to the hospital to get evaluated and fill out more paperwork (even though we were preregistered). A few hours later, my doctor called with some surprising and unexpected results from my blood work. My hemoglobin was a 9 which previously was always above an 11. This put me at risk for needing a blood transfusion if I lost too much blood during surgery.

We scrambled to book my mom's last minute flight to get her here in time to care for Wells. I took Wells to get a haircut so he would meet his sister looking fresh. We welcomed my mom at the airport and ate dinner (my last meal before surgery). I didn't sleep much that night as I was anxious about surgery, being separated from Poppy after delivery, initial breastfeeding delays, problems that may occur, having to have a roommate in postpartum care, and etc. I still was having irregular contractions too. I think I may have slept two hours the entire night. Ted and I woke up at 4am to shower and get to the hospital in time to be prepped for c-section.

Prepping for surgery is scary. Prepping for surgery to bring life into the world is scary. Leaving my husband while I was transferred to OR table to get spinal is scary. I felt everything about the prep from the cold fluid running through the IV to the sting of the numbing medicine as I curled up around my bulging belly before the spinal was administered.

Ted entered the OR. His hand immediately was in mine and I began to pray I didn't lose feeling in my hands. I kept squeezing his hand and making a fist with my other. I wanted the ability to touch my little girls face and/or body when she came to my side. Ted cupped my face with his other hand as we sat scared, excited, anxious, expecting, and hopeful. (And, laughed at the nurse saying I looked like Kelly Rippa.)

I felt the tugging as they were trying to pull her out. It felt like minutes were flying and still pulling. I looked into Ted eyes and said "It's taking too long. What's wrong!!!" I saw panic and hope in his eyes as we continued to wait. I started to worry they would have to have the second cut (leaving me with no hope for any future v-bacs). Seconds felt like hours. Finally, I felt the release. I heard her cry. It was a sweet peep that didn't last long. No second cut was needed and my baby was born.

Suddenly, they were calling for Ted. He cut the cord. He laid her on his open chest and brought her to my face. I had feeling in my hands and touched her, my baby girl. Time was lost and soon Ted had to leave the OR with Poppy. (We had hopes of breastfeeding on the OR table, but understood with the risk of blood lose that my doctor's needed to work as fast and efficiently so their would be no need for blood transfusion.)

Ted took Poppy and held her skin to skin until they met me back in our postpartum room about one hour later.

I sat on the OR table feeling numb, sleepy, and anxious to get to my baby. I told myself to stay awake to fight to get to my baby. It seemed like a long time from the time Ted left and to when I left the OR to go to the recovery room.

The recovery room was bustling with sick patients everywhere. A child was screaming in pain, a elderly man was puking his guts out, nurses were talking all at once, and doctor's were walking all around. My nurse was giving me medicine which I started to react to. I was itching all over my chest and arms (everything that wasn't numb from the spinal). I couldn't leave the recovery room until I had feeling in my toes. Poppy couldn't come to me in recovery, because it's an open recovery room and unfit for a newborn. I kept trying to move my toes. Finally, I moved my left foot a bit. I yelled with joy to the nurse. She was excited for me, but told me it wasn't enough yet. I continued to focus while my nurse was tending to me and my doctor was evaluating me. I was losing a lot of blood. I tried not to panic. I tried to continue to focus on moving and gaining feeling in my legs. Finally, I stopped itching from medicine and I moved my legs. They had me moving to my postpartum room within minutes. (I was initially worried I would have feeling but no one to take me to be reunited. This was a blessing to me.)

As soon as I was in my room, Ted brought Poppy to me and she latched for her first feed.

Ted had a great experience with Poppy in the nursery. He sat in a rocking chair with her skin to skin. They didn't hassle him to give her a bath and worked with him to do all her vitals. This was also a blessing and something I prayed for.

I had three bags of pitocin running through my IV. It was painful. After my reaction to medicine in recovery, it took all day to get my pain levels under control. My stomach was contracting. I was sore from surgery. (Did I mention, my doctor did reconstructive work on my stomach muscles before closing me up. She said my stomach muscles were about an inch apart so she sewed them back together. Thanks!) I was breastfeeding all day which made my stomach contract more. I still didn't have full feeling or use of my legs. It was not pretty.

Finally, they figured out my medicine and I started experiencing less pain. In exchange, I became more sleepy and lethargic. It was hard to get Poppy to latch because I was extremely fatigued and she was too. (My poor baby!) Ted could recount stories of off the wall things that I was saying to him and my nurse.

That evening, I felt much better. Yep, we are still talking about the same day. It was a full day! My mom brought Wells to meet Poppy. He immediately wanted to kiss the baby and then discover the hospital room. It was a sweet time for our little family.

My IV was taken out that evening and breastfeeding became much easier. The next day, we were in sync. Poppy never had to leave my side during the rest of our hospital stay. We had a pleasant experience. We even chose to stay an extra night. I still wanted my pain to be managed better before returning home to Wells.

Upon leaving the hospital, my hemoglobin was at a 8. This has been one of the hardest obstacles. I am very weak and dizzy. I am hoping this is resolved soon. A week into recovery, I was still experiencing tons of pain from surgery. This second C-section has been far worse than my first. I have had some issues with the healing of my incision too. I do feel better this week than last. I am slowly starting to regain my strength and normal activities.

I am hoping to be on the upside to recovery.

I will be back to share about breastfeeding round two, but I'll share this now. It was been so easy. No nipple pain. No latch problems. Engorgement only lasted one day. It's been beautiful. Knock on wood.

Two weeks in, I am thankful.

Time Will Tell

The elephant is still lingering in the room. Each time I slouch my back, sit down to rest, and at times in the middle of the night I think about it. The elephant - dun, dun, dun... RCS (repeat c-section). Since my last post, baby was marked clearly as laying transverse which will land me on the operating table. Today after my appointment and them feeling around it does seem like she is head down but still laying on my right side and not completely "head down" which will still land me with a RCS. *ahhhhhhh**

At this point (and really all along)... I just want my baby in my arms. BUT... at this point, I'm worried that I will have to schedule a c-section two days before my mom arrives on island. I have someone to care for Wells (that I trust and love), but my heart and mind would be at so much more peace if my mom was here prior to baby arrival (vag or cut).

I've been a mad woman with my spinning babies routine. Can I tell you how much work you put in to get your baby to get into position! And, you feel like you have absolute no control and are just wearing yourself out by daily exercise routines.

Me, over here. I am tired. I can not wait for some of that natural oxytocin to kick in after baby is here! I could use one hour of good sleep. Oddly enough, I can't wait to have the baby to sleep better. Crazy thought! Nah, even with waking to breastfeed and the care of being newborn deep... I know, I'll sleep better than I have been. Currently, it's a fight to get to sleep each night due to being so uncomfortable, restless legs, and just plain insomnia.

All in all, I am so thankful to be healthy and active.

Besides lack of sleep, I feel great.

Next week, we will kind of figure out whether we will have a scheduled c-section. Regardless of my fears of Wells being cared for, I will love to know either way instead of the limbo that my mind is in currently. Mentally, I can't wait to stop playing all the variables of how, when, why, where, and to what extent.

Here are some pictures of a little SUP time with two boys at 37 weeks pregnant in our lovely piece of paradise. I am so grateful to be pregnant living in such a beautiful island where I can be active and in water! It refreshes my soul.

Time Will Tell

The elephant is still lingering in the room. Each time I slouch my back, sit down to rest, and at times in the middle of the night I think about it. The elephant - dun, dun, dun... RCS (repeat c-section). Since my last post, baby was marked clearly as laying transverse which will land me on the operating table. Today after my appointment and them feeling around it does seem like she is head down but still laying on my right side and not completely "head down" which will still land me with a RCS. *ahhhhhhh**

At this point (and really all along), I just want my baby in my arms. BUT... at this point, I'm worried that I will have to schedule a c-section two days before my mom arrives on island. I have someone to care for Wells (that I trust and love), but my heart and mind would be at so much more peace if my mom was here prior to baby arrival (vag or cut).

I've been a mad woman with my spinning babies routine. Can I tell you how much work you put in to get your baby to get into position! And, you feel like you have absolute no control and are just wearing yourself out by daily exercise routines.

Me, over here. I'm tired. I can not wait for some of that natural oxytocin to kick in after baby is here! I could use one hour of good sleep. Oddly enough, I can't wait to have the baby to sleep better. Crazy thought! Nah, even with waking to breastfeed and the care of being newborn deep... I know, I'll sleep better than I have been.

All in all, I am so thankful to be healthy and active.

And, besides lack of sleep, I feel great.

Next week we will kind of figure out whether we will have a scheduled c-section. And regardless of my fears of Wells being cared for, I will love to know either way instead of the limbo that my mind is in currently.

Here is some pictures of a little SUP time with two boys at 37 weeks pregnant in our lovely piece of paradise. I am so grateful to be pregnant living in such a beautiful island where I can be active and in water! It refreshes my soul.

Stretching out

I am now at the point where my pelvic bone feels like it is shattering. Already.

I am still sleeping pretty okay, minus the countless times I have to get up to pee (probably 5-7 a night). By morning, I wake up to a really achy and uncomfortable body. My neck feels like it's been twisted all night, my back like someone's been stabbing it continuously, my hips sore from flipping from side to side, and my legs feel as if they ran a marathon. So, I may have slept off and on for 8-10 hours, but my body doesn't feel like it.

I wake to pee. I wake because my hips hurt so bad. I wake up because Ted is sleep talking. I wake up because Wells is sleep talking. I wake up a lot. I try to think of it as good preparation for the frequent wake ups with my precious baby girl.

I have two full months before my birth month. Sometime before August 18, I will have my baby.

I'm looking forward to June and my mom's visit. I am also looking forward to getting away with Ted for our 6th honeymoon/babymoon. Transition years are hard (moving and settling in) and we really can't wait to get away just the two of us. It's about time, dang it! We are going to Tortola in the British Virgin Islands.

After our trip, my mom my departs and I have to hit the ground running getting something together for a second birthday party for Wells. Since it may be his only island party, I want to do it right. Eek!

Thankfully, I feel like my bump is smaller than when I carried Wells (still pretty big but not ginormous yet). I'm hoping this translates to a smaller baby. Wells and I have been doing our morning yoga which elevates a smidgen of my pain. Mostly I love floating around in the pool or ocean. It gives me the most relief and is so refreshing.

Letting Go Of My Birth Plan

When I was pregnant with Wells, I knew from the start I wanted a crunchy, natural birth. I tried my best to talk Ted into a home birth, but in the end we decided on going to a birth center. (Mainly because it was essentially free at the birth center -we ended up paying $40 total for prenatal, delivery, hospital stay, and c-section -and with a home midwife we would have paid at least a grand. Ted's all about the budget part of decision making so we met in the middle.) I went to reputable birth center on the mainline right outside Philadelphia. This center was a large practice and not my ideal situation looking back. There were so many midwife's on staff and no way of meeting each one even if you were to see a new midwife at each individual appointment. Seeing someone new each visit isn't personal or ideal for me.

After 68 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, we brought our son into the world via c-section. My c-section went without a hitch, thankfully. I nursed right after and never had a problem with bonding, initial latching, or my milk coming in. Recovery from surgery was pretty easy and I don't have any negative feelings. (I did take the pain meds guilt free.)

The day we found out we were moving to St. Thomas my mind start spinning with questions that were important to me like could I have VBAC on island if we were to become pregnant. Once we found out we were pregnant, we floated around between doctor's offices around the island and even thought about hiring a midwife from Florida. Each doctor slammed there foot on the floor with a gusty not one day over 40 weeks, scheduled c-section, induction is the only way, etc. I was left very discouraged and cried over the seemingly helpless situation among doctors on the island. I knew that hiring a midwife whom we would have to fly in, put up in housing, and pay for delivery service was kind of out of reach for us. It would be a huge risk, lots of money, and still a potential emergency situation on an island. Here on island, when someone is out sick there is no one to replace them. I have heard stories of women who needed emergency c-sections and the anesthesiologist wasn't at the hospital or one time they couldn't find the keys to the OR.

My fourth doctor on island met me with a plan. The plan wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but I heard the heart and effort she put behind it. She proposed keeping a very watchful eye on my weight gain and size of the baby since Wells was 9 pound 10 ounces and could not fit after trying and trying. She talked to me about exercises and getting baby in position, because maybe Wells would have fit if he wouldn't have been sunny side up with his chin tucked over his shoulder. All these variables made me end up with a c-section. She helped me understand what we can look for and what we can try to do our best to control like trying to grow a smaller baby. Yes, she and I both know I may just have genetically big babies. She didn't scare me with a scheduled c-section, but did explained a possible early induction.

If you would have told me all of this a year ago, two years ago, or five years ago, I would have laughed in your face and walked out the door. Induction, hell no. And initially I started forming plans to get the hell off this island in hopes of a possible natural birth plan even with possible c-section in mind. I wanted the chance of naturally going into labor, naturally laboring, and naturally delivering. I set out to go back to the states through a variety of ways, but in the end it all seemed a bit daunting. I would have to leave early without Ted so he wouldn't burn through his leave. Wells would have to adjust into a new temporary home. I'd have to find housing and transportation at which I pleaded with facebook for anyone who would consider a house switch with us for 6 to 8 weeks. Then, I would have to find a midwife/doctor that would be willing to accept me that late in the game and hopefully help me achieve my natural VBAC. In a perfect world, Ted would arrive before I went into labor and we would have a baby. After we had the baby, we would retreat to our temporary home for one week until we all would travel back to our home in St. Thomas where we would have to get settled finally at two weeks postpartum. I had a few hits on switching homes, but in the end I felt like it was too much for my little family. It could potentially be too much transitioning for Wells and my hormonal self. The two families that were open to switching also lived in places where we don't know anyone and everything would be new to us. Then, after returning home from this whirlwind of birthing, Ted would have to return to work instead of us adjusting at home together through the entire experience.

We made the big decision to stay on island to have our baby. We chose doctor number four who has been grilling me on my weight. I'm on track right now and just have been given orders only soup for dinner (meaning broth) for the remainder of my pregnancy. I am not starving, but I am not giving into my cravings and having to give up bread, sweets, and salt. (I just had my glucose test and I passed. No gestational diabetes.)

I know that ultrasounds can be 1 to 2 pounds off when judging babies weight and that no one can really tell how much the baby weighs inside the womb. I do know that with Wells, anyone on the street could have told you he was a big baby. Some even thought I was having triplets. I wasn't good at hiding my large baby. My belly was as far out as my legs extended to the floor and my upper body extended tall. I was huge and no wonder Wells was just shy of 10 pounds.

I would love to experience a VBAC. Here on island it is likely I will be induced whether at 38 weeks or 40. My doctor will let me try everything natural to get things going, but in the end I may be hooked up to all the cords and medical stuff that would make me puke and eye roll years ago. Somehow, I have found peace within my circumstance and accepting my options. If I am induced, I know that I have a likely chance of repeat c-section. But, if I'm not induced they will schedule a c-section. So, my options are to oblige or not show up for induction or c-section which I've seriously considered.

All this to say, my hearts desire this time around is to delivery vaginally with no (to minimal) tearing (that stuff freaks me out). I want my baby. I want my baby on my chest right after. I want the birth experience without c-section.

More than anything, I want my baby.

If that means another c-section than so be it, but I'm not giving up trying just yet.

Whatever happens, bring it.

I'm ready to be a mom of two.

Getting Pregnant For Baby #2 (a TMI post)

Last November, we knew we wanted to start trying to get pregnant for round 2. We had tried for about a year to get pregnant with Wells and had no idea what getting pregnant again would look like for us. I was still fully breastfeeding Wells and didn't plan on stopping at the time. We didn't know if that would have any effect on getting pregnant or not. I tracked my ovulation for November and we set out to make a baby. After one day of baby making, we kind of freaked ourselves out. Were we ready for two kids? Another baby? All the responsibilities that go with having another child. We decided, let's enjoy the holidays and pick up intentionally trying again after the new year.

Three weeks later, my good friend Amy came to visit us with her family. As we were catching up, I was curious to know if anyone from NJ/PA area was expecting or trying again. I told her there was a very, very slight chance we could be pregnant and we would probably be able to find out during her visit.

That weekend, we all went to St. John for the day. Amy took photos of us and then we hit the beach and relaxed. During our photo shoot, I noticed I was spotting which I have never done before. I was a week early for my period and asked Amy what she thought since she is also a nurse. We concluded it could mean several different things and time would tell.

As we enjoyed their visit, it became clear to me I started my period early that month. After day two, I noticed how intense this period was and also how different it was. Since we had guests, I didn't think too much about it. By the end of the week, I knew something was off. I was bleeding way too much. As we said our goodbyes, I began to monitor more closely what my body was doing. I finally felt like I should call my mom and doctor. I called my mom and told her I thought I was miscarrying. It was a serious amount of blood loss. She asked several questions including if I was experiencing any pain which I wasn't.

After bleeding extremely heavily (not normal for me by any means) for eight days (I usually have a lite 3 day max period), it stopped the day before we left for Kentucky. I continued with our activities in Kentucky and for the most part felt like myself. After my brother's wedding, I started feeling -icky. I thought it was due to eating out more than eating at home and having a wacky schedule around wedding stuff, christmas, family, and being out of town.

The day before Christmas Eve, Ted made kale and turkey sausage soup (one of my favorites). I could not handle the smell. It made me feel weak in the knees and like I was going to spill my guts all over my brothers house. I retreated to the bedroom as they tried to contain the smells. Immediately after dinner, Ted ran and bought a pregnancy test. I took it and it read negative.

A few days later, I was still feeling off and we had friends coming in town. Ted talked me into taking another test just to be sure before they came to ensure I could have a beverage or two. Negative.

Our results seemed conclusive, we were not pregnant.

Clearly, I had miscarried or had a heavy period a week early and now was feeling sick from traveling and not eating as healthy. We continued to enjoy our trip. Thankfully, I was feeling so -icky that I didn't even want to drink adults beverages, but only a few sips here and there.

The night before we left Kentucky, I was putting Wells to bed and noticed he was burning up. He kept a raging fever for the next three days as we traveled and settled in back home. The first day home, I slept all day with Wells. Wells started feeling better; I started feeling worse. For a few days, I was out. Wells gave me whatever he had and it was not fun, or so I thought. My sickness wasn't seeming to go away and I was running to the bathroom to throw up several times a day. After a few days, Ted suggested I take another pregnancy test which I thought was ridiculous. We already concluded that I wasn't pregnant from trying in November and were very careful since then. Why waste another test, but he kept pressuring me to take one so I did.

I called Ted over and we flipped the stick over and stared at it.

Bingo.

Wait. What. Huh. Positive!?

Okay, we are extremely happy, but also extremely confused.

I had been so sad that I may have miscarried and really would have loved to be pregnant. (I could have told everyone for the holidays and in person!) I so many thoughts running around in my head, but ultimately was beaming with joy.

But, how!

We immediately made a doctor's appointment. The doctor saw us and immediately ordered an ultrasound. That afternoon we were staring at a screen and our baby!!

Our second baby was measuring right on track, 7 1/2 weeks.

Everything looked normal and doctor concluded some type of implantation bleeding and how some women bleed more than others. (I still think it was odd that it was so much.)

We felt extremely blessed for so many different reasons including being able to get pregnant so easily and seeing a healthy, thriving baby when I had thought I had miscarried.

We were ready for this. We are ready for this. A new baby seemed like the best way to start the new year and it has been! Sometimes we still sit in shock that we are in fact pregnant, because it happened so fast this time around. But, nothing could make us happier!

In August, we get to meet our baby girl and we can't wait.

26 weeks

I am feeling pregnant.

I am craving sushi.

I am experiencing tons of heartburn.
I am surviving by smoothies instead of food for dinner.
I am living in water, beach or pool.
I am excited about having a baby.
I am teaching Wells her name.
I am keeping her name a secret.
I am looking forward to my moms visit in June.
I am sleeping as much as I can.
I am keeping active chasing after Wells.
I am retiring burpees.
I am picking up more yoga.
I am anticipating new summer tv shows.
I am loving feeling baby girl move all day.
I am happily enjoying my one cup of coffee per day.
I am learning how to stay cool in summers heat.

26 weeks, y'all.

Currently / Spring Style

16 weeks and 5 days

I am making it a point to take more bump pictures this time around. I literally was too sick to think about taking pictures with Wells especially before 20 weeks. I wish I would have taken more to see the progression.

And, because I couldn't pick just one picture. . here is another.

14/15

Okay, I don't have much to show yet. 14 weeks, left. 15 weeks, right.  A little start to what will turn in a extra large watermelon under my shirt. Eventually, I will be asked if I'm having multiples. It is my fate. I gained 28 pounds with Wells and he came out 9 pounds 10 ounces. My bump was gigantic and my stomach never the same. We make big babies. My biggest fear this time is having an even bigger baby.

Wells's position made it impossible to deliver vaginally so I'm thinking position, position, position for my baby #2 to have a safe and hopefully natural way out. Wells was direct occiput anterior (sunny side up) with asynclitism (chin turned over his shoulder) not to mention 9lb 10oz and 22 inches long. I am on spinning babies and will be working all the exercises to help put baby in correct position. I have hopes for a vbac, but understand the elephant in the room - the big C.

I hear second babies typically come faster. Well, I could only hope. I can do natural labor, but thinking about a 68 hours labor, 3 hours of pushing, and 2 hours of dreadful c-section, no bueno. Not that any doctor (especially in St. Thomas) will ever let me be in labor for that long again. Anything under 36 hours of natural labors doesn't seem to scare me and seems manageable at this point.

We are weighing all options on how and where we will give birth: St. Thomas hospital birth, stateside birth, or home birth. We still are undecided, but leaning towards staying on island for now. We have been flip flopping a lot. My dream would be to have a home birth, but we still don't have a peace about it. Mainly, because I'm cheap and we'd have to pay out of pocket whereas a hospital birth is completely covered by our insurance. Seeing a new doctor here next week and hoping to mesh well and feel a nudge to which direction we will continue.

After the roller coaster of finding that we were in fact pregnant, it seems as if this pregnancy is flying. My pregnancy with Wells creeped by very, very slowly. Painfully slow, especially 3-20 weeks. I had major nausea and could barely eat anything nor stay awake after work. This pregnancy has been a whole lot easier thankfully. A little bit of nausea, but not bad. I started having more energy a few weeks ago and overall really feeling great.

During my last pregnancy, I discovered desserts! I had never really liked cookies or preferred something sweet over salty. I changed during pregnancy #1 and wanted sweets and all things sugar. This time around I'm craving better things like apples, kale pesto, spicy food, and all things pickled. Well, and pasta! 

Less than 2-4 weeks until we can find out boy or girl. Ek, can't wait.

Breaking Silence

Ah-hem, is this thing on?!

Last year, I had hopes of finishing out the blog year with a round up of events, lessons learned, and hopes for a new year. December came and I barely touched my computer.

We had a fantastic month.

It was non stop.

The month rolled in and we kept riding the waves. Visitors, pack and prep house for other guest guests, travel, wedding, christmas, family, friends, travel, sick toddler, visitors, NYE, goodbyes, unpack, clean house, revisit 'normal'.

Early in December, I knew I was pregnant. I had that feeling.

There were indications that we were pregnant. On the other hand there were also reason to believe something was terribly wrong or off. After a few doctors visits, blood tests, pregnancy tests (negative and positive), and finally a revealing ultrasound.

We could breathe. We could jump for joy. We could cry.

We. ARE. Pregnant. with a healthy baby.

The best news ever, by far.

Baby #2 coming this August!

A few photos from our photo session with Amy Rae Photography in early December.

Baby Registry Musts & Products We Love

Wells came home in our Maxi Cosi Prezi Infant Carrier. We never used the infant insert because our little guy was close to 10 lbs. Ted and I both loved this infant carrier. Comfy, safe, and user friendly. When Wells was first born we used our Quinny Buzz Stroller with the Maxi Cose Prezi using adapters. Soon into our new world of parenthood, I ditched the Quinny because it was bulky and annoying. We both preferred wearing our Moby wrap or Bjorn. When we traveled, we picked up a Snap and Go stroller and it was very helpful. Helpful in carrying all our extra stuff as we made our way through the airport, but we didn't use it very often to cart Wells around. Each time we have flown I've always just worn Wells the entire time going through security. 

A few months ago, we upgraded Wells to the Maxi Cosi Pria 70 toddler seat. I have to say that I may love it more than the Prezi. They are very comparable in design, comfort, safety and ease. My go to thought when looking for car seats is what will last the longest. I wanted something that will carry as much weight and height. All car seats go through the same crash and safety tests. They have to pass all the same things to be on the shelf. I do believe that the Maxi Cosi brand is very safe. Wells rides rear facing. He can now see out the windows, sits more upright, and naps like a champ. It was definitely a perfect time to switch car seats for us. 

Like I said, I ditched my Quinny stroller (and thankfully sold it on Craigslist). Recently, we purchased the stroller I wanted from the beginning the Maclaren Quest. It is a lightweight but high quality and full featured umbrella stroller. It is perfect for a traveling family like ours and easy to open, close, and push. It fully reclines and Wells enjoys naps on the go. The sun shade blocks the sun and stroller came with the rain cover. I'm not a stroller lover, I don't wants to sit in a stroller all day so this was perfect for our family. This stroller will grow with us. I couldn't recommend the stroller enough. 

I've mentioned the Bjorn Babysitter Bouncer on the blog before because but I can't stop raving about it. For the first 6-7 months, we used this bouncer everyday. I truly believe it helped develop stomach muscles for Wells as he learned to bounce himself. They have an attachment toy for the bouncer which we never purchased but we thoroughly loved this bouncer and had no need for anything else. It is a sleek design and folds flat for easy storage or transport. 

We picked up Ikea's little toy gym above and Wells loved it. I think we started putting him on the faux sheepskin rug (so soft) on his back under the gym around two months. It is very basic but it encouraged Wells to turn from side to side and eventually made him a very active roller early on. He gravitated towards spinning the side pieces. As he grew he would grab the side and move this toy all over the place but it definitely serve it's purpose in our home. I always would set up the Bjorn bouncer with the gym over it so he could play while I was showering, cooking, or etc. 

 I have to pace myself in Ikea, because some stuff is cheap and in quality you can really tell. I've bought items that I fully regret. I've always had wonderful purchases that are just what we need for a great price like our high chair and training potty. The Ikea high chair is basic but works great and is 20 bones. 20 bones people. I love the Stokke high chair but that is $280 more expensive. Before we moved, I would sit Wells on the training potty each morning and before bath time. He has peed and pooped in potty.

Now that we are eating on the go a lot more, I've started to use this Leaflet tight travel lunch box. It has three different trays that you can separate food in. I just wish that the trays had covers for sealing. I'm still looking for a better lunch box for when we are out and traveling.

We have used three different carriers: the Moby wrap, Bjorn, and Ergo. We like all three but now I love my Ergo. I never used the infant insert (or used a hand towel) for when Wells was little, but I loved my Moby wrap. For the first few months out of the womb, I believe the Moby is ideal. He was covered so strangers wouldn't touch him. He was warm because it is a lot of fabric. He was comfy and close which is perfect for the fourth trimester. As he grew, I stopped using the Moby because he didn't sit right in it anymore. I could see the fabric stretching out if I had continued to use it with him. Ted loves the Bjorn we have but I don't love it. I find it hurts my shoulders as the weight is not distributed like the Ergo. The Ergo is great for distributing weight, breastfeeding while grocery shopping, and cooking (wearing him on my back). We do not carry Wells facing out so we didn't go with any carriers that would allow for that.

Turkish towels are perfect for babe care. They are so soft and absorbent. I'm kind of obsessed with them. I use Honest diapers mainly but do have an assortment of Thirsties all-in-one cloth diaper. It's pretty easy to clean and use. I probably prefer prefold inserts with a cover but our Thirsties work pretty great too.

The most comfortable, easy to assemble lightweight pack and play is the Bjorn travel crib. It is extremely easy to put together and fold back up. What I love most about it is that the mattress sits right on the ground and there are no bars that can break. The mattress is very soft and probably what I think Wells likes the best. At the store, it looks very small next to the other pack and plays but it is a perfect size. It looks similar to the Phil and Ted travel pack and play but their's is a nightmare to open and close.

We love our Bebe pod chair and have been using it since around two/three months. At first he was slouched all over the place but eventually built enough muscles to sit up all on his own. This chair is hands down better than the Bumbo chair which has no room for growing thighs (I actually really dislike the Bumbo functionally and esthetically). The Prince Lionheart Bebe pod has a tray table that you can purchase but we never did. We love this chair so much that we are traveling to St Thomas with it (packing it in our suitcases). We bring it to restaurants that don't have high chairs and over to friends houses. Wells sits in it so well.

All these products have made our life as parents so easy. To be honest, we don't have much else just a few toys here and there and lots of books. I was deleting our registries and wondering why I had certain stuff on there. Baby stuff is so overwhelming because there are so many options. I'll do a round up of toys and books sometime. Hope you enjoyed our favorite basics.

9 months IN / 9 months OUT

I look back at photos from when Wells was growing inside of me and ooooh emmM geee, I was huge. The dad I went into labor, Ted snapped the picture above. I look exhausted and very pregnant. I didn't sleep well during my pregnancy as I'm a belly sleeper. It is crazy to think Wells fit inside my belly just 9 short months ago. 

Getting pregnant.

Two and a half years ago, Ted and I knew we were ready to start a family. We felt like we had good years of just the two of us. We had traveled and I was about to graduate from school. In November 2011, we started trying to get pregnant. Five months later, I was working nights cooking in a restaurant and finishing up my final quarter of school. We were still trying. I was tired. I was very burnt out. On cooking. On church. On friends. On trying. I threw in the towel at the restaurant shortly after graduation. Backwards, I know. I hadn't been to church in three maybe four months due to my schedule at the restaurant. I was sad that after months of trying to get pregnant, I wasn't. I had wished that we were, giving me a better excuse to quit everything. It's hard enough being a girl cooking in a kitchen but I can't even imagine trying to fit my growing belly on the line.

No job. No school. It was a perfect time to get pregnant. In June 2012, I tested positive on a pregnancy test. I was beyond excited. I took another test and it read negative the next day. I was going to wait a week and to take another one. I can't  begin to describe how my emotions were all over the place. I was questioning tests. I was questioning symptoms. A week later, I wasn't pregnant. In the end, seemed to have been a false positive which is highly rare.

I decided to take a break from thinking about getting pregnant. No looking at the calendar or wondering when. If it's meant to be than let it be. So, we did. Months passed and nothing. I decided it was time to get back to work.

I scored a job at a restaurant in the city that I love. It was a busy kitchen with huge back of the house. It was a perfect job to land to start a culinary career and learn. But, not a perfect job to start if I was ready to get pregnant or have a decent family/church life. In the end, I left after a short time. When I went in to the culinary field I knew that I wouldn't make it working nights and weekends as a line cook and stay married or start a family. It just doesn't work when I'm working an opposite schedule than Ted. Usually to make it in the kitchen, you have to come in early and stay well after your shift. You have to prove yourself on making absolutely nothing. (I wish I could have done this when I was 18.) After deciding 16 hour days weren't my thing, I decided to look for a nanny job again. If I ever was going to get pregnant than getting off my feet but staying active would be best.

I found a wonderful family and started working for them. It was a wonderful job and I was making more than double what I was in the kitchen. Money is a good thing. I had nights off and money. It was amazing. Almost immediately after taking the position, I couldn't seem to flip my schedule from nights to mornings. At the end of the day, I was insanely tired. Beyond tired, I would barely eat dinner and fall asleep at 6:30pm and sleep a whole 12 hours before getting up to go to work again. I thought I may never get use to waking up before the sun is up.

Until four weeks in when I found out I was growing a baby!

The day before I found out, I knew. I just had that feeling. You can read about how I found out here.

After finding out, I was so nervous to tell my employer I was pregnant. I had just started the job and never would have thought I'd get pregnant so fast. I waited until after my first doctor's appointment to tell my boss whom was so loving (thanks Cat!). I kept my job until I was 36 weeks and I am so thankful for those months and being able to work.

It wasn't until later in my pregnancy that I let go of fear. I was afraid that I was dreaming. Or that this tiny gift of pregnancy would be taken away from me. Each time I heard his heart beat, my faith grew and tears flowed freely. I didn't have a reason to fear that anything would happen as it was always a healthy pregnancy and Wells was always healthy too. It just played into an insecurity of mine of - bad things happening to big events in my life.

In the end, I feel incredibly blessed to have been given such an incredible gift - Wells Emerson.

The last days

Our countdown is getting real. One week until my actually due date, oh my god. I'm feeling good. Well, as good as you can when you feel like your pelvis is about to fall through the floor. Or your stomach crack open because it can't stretch any bigger. I swear my son does kickboxing each time I lay down for bed. He's moved down and out of my ribs so I don't have worry he'll break them.

Savoring our last few days by taking each day and enjoying it. I think, I'll always look back to these last few weeks/days and love how we spent our time.

We savored homemade popsicles. Pineapple basil & watermelon rhubarb. 

We bounced on birth balls. Well mainly, me. 

We watched our fair share of HGTV.

We nested. Ok. Guilty, I nested and Ted assisted. 

We swam in the ocean, finally. 

We brunched at Parc.
We drove all around Philly, parked, and walked countless miles.
We made fresh pasta.
We finished the baby's room for the most part... waiting on pictures to come back from the framer.
We haven't killed our summer plants. We hope this helps in our parenting.
We enjoyed friends coming to visit.
We laughed at what the funniest moments of pregnancy.
We can't wait to hold our little prince in our arms.

Cloudy

It seems that not one other thought comes into my head about blogging except: baby, pregnancy, food, baby, pregnancy...

which concerns me a bit. My major concern is wondering if after my little boy comes into the world all I'll want to write is baby, baby, baby. I'm sure it does. But, please let me go on about my concern of consuming baby universe. I'm already in love with my boy. He already holds such a dear spot in my heart and life. Once I can actually touch, feel, and smell his yumminess it will be all that much more consuming. But, will all my rationale fly out the window?

Thinking that my son is in fact God's gift to the world. And everyone is just as enamored with his presence as me. I've been around far too many  crazies  moms that can't discipline their own kids because 'they are just too cute'. Well, your cutie is a brat. So going into this new season of love gushing wonder, how do you stay level headed.

I expect nothing less than to be over the moon for my baby boy, don't get me wrong. There is a balance. There is a photo posting limit. Anyone with me?

Adding to... I hope & pray to never lose sight of my marriage by being wrapped up with my babies. First comes love...marriage... than the baby. By the looks of it, sometimes thats easier said than done.

Roughly 6.5 weeks until my whole world is flipped upside down with this awe inspiring human being that I get to be a mom to. I hope to care for his heart with care and thoughtfulness and not be clouded with googlie eyes.

Armed & Ready

June officially rolled in & my belly is still growing. I'm stretching in at 8 months. My MIL reminds me each time we talk how much bigger I am than other women. Thanks. But, it's not just her. Most by standers are squeamish around me thinking she must be ready to POP. Until this week, I haven't felt that big. I know I'm bigger than my 5'7" friends and thats to be expected, no? I feel the weight of my belly crushing my 5'0" frame  & hips but I'm still comfortable in my own skin. I'm armed with baby dolls dresses and I'm not afraid to fill them out. I also ordered a swimsuit and it stretches just nicely over my emerging baby bump. I'm looking forward to spending some days relaxing and in the sun (yes I don't mind the heat) when we go away to celebrate our fourth honeymoon. Beach. Faux drinks. Relaxing. And, can't wait to get away just me and Ted. Our last hoo-ray before our family grows.

I wouldn't trade the last four years for anything. The memories. The investment. The love. The learning. The transitions. The growth. All of which has brought our marriage closer and helped us prepare to grow our family with little ones. I always thought I'd be the one to pop'em babies out the second we said 'i do', but after getting married we really thought it would be wonderful to have a few years under our belts before. I'm thankful for these years. Precious time. Foundation. 

And with four years closing in... I'm fully extending my arms around this new season of wife-dom. Caring for my little family full time. Two weeks of work left, y'all. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to stay home with my baby. It has always been my ultimate dream. 

Cheers to dreams coming true over and over and over again.

where we are at

i fell off the trek. AGAIN.

BUT thats okay with me. the past few weeks have been FILLED to the brim. looking forward to our schedules slowing down a bit hopefully once june rolls in but definitely by july. we are currently still working on putting our birth team in place along with the nursery. switching to our guest bedroom since i'm up a few times at night and need to move closer to the bathroom. (add master bath to our requirements list for our next move) looking to buy a car which we hope to finalize this weekend. along with celebrating weddings, babies, showers, etc. it's been fun & busy.

currently, our birth team consists of: our midwife, birth photographer, and mohel that will come to our house on the eighth day. we are talking with a doula and looking for a pediatrician. most importantly, i have Ted. we hope to have my mom here as well. she is flying in for three weeks and hope to time it just perfectly but you know how unpredictable that can be. regardless, we are so excited to meet our little boy.

we had our official maternity photo shoot and i can't wait to see the pictures! we were able to see a few sneak peeks and we already love them. i can't wait to have amy do our newborn/family photos after little bean's arrival.

we love our birth class. we love the bradley method. when we first signed up for our 12 week course, it seemed intimidating dedicating 12 friday nights. it has been so great and we look forward to it each week. i devoured both bradley books and ted is almost complete too (Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way and Husband-Coached Childbirth).

i still haven't found many maternity clothes. could be because i'm not looking. could also be i'm so short the proportions are just wrong on me. the weather warming up has helped because i can wear all my summer dress and shorts. i do need a few more shirts as mine are all starting to come up short. i've scored another dress from fossil (shown below). i have found non maternity clothes work better and are less expensive at this point (for the most part). AND way cuter. looking for a maternity bathing suit and can't wait to spend some time in water.

a few of my dear friends threw me a baby shower a few weekends ago. it was such a blessing! we took a picture of a few of us that are all expecting together (there are more). it's been so fun to enjoy and grow together. i can't wait for future play dates.

Good reads

Pregnant or not I've always been interested in natural birth. My mom gave birth to my siblings and me at home. I always took pride in this. I developed my views over the years on what type of birth I wanted. Natural. Crunchy. Home. Water.  Kind of birth. Ted has been great adapting to a more natural birth but still shy's away from home birth for now. He is even willing to jump in the birth pool. After looking over costs, we determined to go with the birth center instead of a home birth. My mother-in-law began to breath again. At the birth center everything is covered. We get a suite that acts as a personal apartment. It is great. But, I still want a home birth. So, we discuss. Sticking to our plan for the time being. 

After years of thought going into the birth culture in America and what kind of birth I'd prefer, I have my opinions nailed down. What I haven't nailed down is learning all that I can about breast feeding. It seems so natural yet I find that most new moms don't anticipate the hard work that goes into it. So, I've ventured into educating myself. I'm currently reading: The womanly art of breastfeeding. And plan to read Ina May's guide to breastfeeding next. If you have advice on breastfeeding or information you'd like to share. Go ahead. I'm all ears.